Watching Icicles Grow

Watching icicles grow is not very exciting to most people. Yet they amaze me. Every day, I take inventory of the icicles - not only growing on our roof edges, but on the edges of roofs all around us. Each one has its own story to tell. I have my own story to tell. Each icicle changes every day. My story changes from day to day. Icicles fall. I fall. New icicles form. My life forms every time I wake up.

Today is one of the coldest days I can remember since living here in New England. Really, really cold. Bitter. Sunny, but c.o.l.d. Lovely, but c.o.l.d. Life - c.o.l.d.

Today I woke up excited and full of anticipation for what was to be a wonderful experience, as I attended my first drawing class at the Worcester Art Museum. This 10-week course is going to be a life-changing experience for me, and I am so thrilled! Why, oh why, didn't I do something like this years ago? So much to learn, experiment with, challenge myself - why have I let myself believe that I'm too old to learn? Obviously, I so yearn for this type of environment! This morning was one of the most exhilarating events of my life. There will be more on this, trust me!

And then I came home...happy, excited! And then our 15-year-old son came home...happy, excited! And then he proceeded to explain to us why his grades are going down. Nothing but lazy. Nothing but not using the tools he's been given. Nothing but thinking talk gets you everywhere. Well, let me tell you, the mood in this house - even eight hours later - is not one of "HAPPY!" This child of ours has been scolded, lectured, hugged, told what-for, loved, fed, questioned, and lectured again. I am so fatigued right now just from the worry factor.

Outside our house, another batch of icicles is growing. They are beautiful. I love them. They are so much like me. They blossom and melt and grow. When the sun shines on them, they look to be so happy! Then they get hit with a little blood-boiling heat and begin to melt. Sometimes they fall; sometimes they grow. But they are always new. Cold. Different. Me.



To add to it all, this afternoon my car wouldn't start! When my husband tried to help me jump start it, his passenger window quit working! So now we have a car with a new battery that "might" start in the morning, as well as a car with one window covered in painter's drop cloth with duct tape all around it. Did I mention that the dishwasher quit working today?


Apparently, the forecast calls for 'POURING RAIN' because that's what it feels like right now. The freezing weather will warm up; the snow will continue to melt off the roof, and the icicles will come and go. I, however, will be here - hopefully expectant of good news at the end of a school day, and highly excited about the opportunity for me to learn new things. And keeping a close eye on the icicles all around me.