You can kiss your family and friends good-bye and put miles between you, but at the same time you carry them with you in your heart, your mind, your stomach, because you do not just live in a world but a world lives in you.  --- Frederick Buechner

I just read this quote a few minutes ago, and cannot stop reading it. Of course, the first thing I thought about was the fact that I've been ignoring my family and best friends...or so they might feel.

This is my S.A.D. time. It sneaks up on me every year and I wonder what the heck is wrong with me, and then I remember. Oh, that's right. It's November... December... January... February... March... then the days start to get noticeably longer and the sun shines warmer and I get back to being me, and back to being the me that others want and miss. I'm not doing this to hurt anyone. I just don't know how not to do what I'm doing right now. You know who you are. Chances are, if you're reading this, you feel like I've been ignoring you. You have every right to be upset with me. I'm sorry if I've hurt your feelings.

I'm going to take a Mixed Media Collage class in the evenings this year, which hopefully will give me a bit of a new outlook on life and inspire me...maybe even motivate me! I am really looking forward to this opportunity at the Art Museum. Tomorrow at the museum is Flora in Winter, which is also a breath of Spring in the midst of the grayness we're surrounded by. I'm going (with a friend!) and am pretty excited. Just the scent of those lovely flowers, designed to match a special piece of art. Scrumptuous.

I'm here. I'm fine...physically. I'm still fat and sassy, just not willing to express that side of me right now. My family is all good. The three of us are also beginning to plan our trip to Ireland this summer. Time is getting nearer, and we are making definite plans! Yes, this is exciting! I have a lot to look forward to, though you wouldn't know it from being with me.

That's all for now. Please go back to the top and read that quote again. Know that I care about you. I miss you, too, but can't bring myself to do anything about it.That's just who I am, and I'm sorry.

See you soon. XOXOXOXO

 

Remembering Katie at 21

11/11/11 will be "what would have been" our daughter Katie's 21st birthday.
I spent all of October dreading November because it is the beginning of "sad dates" for me. So, when we found out on Monday that my husband has pneumonia, it did not sit well. Pneumonia is what killed Katie, at the young age of 7 years and 3 months.

So, tonight I was talking on the phone with my sister and mentioned the "11/11/11" fact. Her reply was, "Really? Oh, my God! That makes me feel so old!" Silence...disbelief...other thoughts unmentionable...

Then she said, "What do you think she would have been doing?" I responded, "Well, I'm not sure, but it would have been something and I would have loved to watch."

But then it was time for the Rachel Maddow Show, so my sister had to go because she could not miss the interview with Michael Moore from Denver. Whatever.

And my family wonders why I feel forgotten out here...will they remember on 11/11/11 that it is an important date - an especially difficult date - for me? Probably not. They haven't in the past. They probably just think we're over it.

Well, I'm here to say - once again - that YOU GET THROUGH IT, BUT YOU NEVER GET OVER IT.

And that is the truth. Remember your friends, and keep track of important dates and send them love. Especially if they are far away, without family support. They get tired of telling the story, and since you already know it, remind them that you do...and that you remember...and that you love them.
I'm just sayin'.

Happy Birthday, sweet Katie. I'm posting this early, because you deserve all the greetings I can muster for you on your special day. I miss you, and I love you, and know you are just fine.
Love, Mama

Inspired by the ocean...

A few weeks ago we took a day trip to the coast. We packed a picnic lunch and drove to Parker River Nat'l Wildlife Refuge. There are several beaches there. This day, hardly anyone was around so it was a real treat - especially since the weather was drop dead gorgeous. Here is a little photo blog of our time there. I love the ocean. It soothes my soul, inspires me and makes me feel whole. It was nice to have the space to really soak it all in this day. As you can see, the sky was incredibly clear and deep. The lines you see are all jet streams from a nearby airport. Isn't that fascinating?

After we left the beach, we drove to Newburyport where Jonathan got to spend some time with his friends who moved there last year. They had a wonderful time, while Warren and I sat in the sun in the Town Common.

On the way out of town we drove by the SSJE Abby to see if there was anything of interest in the way of foliage. This is the road we drove in on...and out on. Wow!

Driving back to Worcester, the traffic was horrid. But we listened to some great music and I kept looking at my photos, holding on to that beautiful day.

Make new friends, but keep the old!!

Last weekend, I flew from Boston to Detroit to Akron. As promised, Juliann was at the airport to greet me. She looked "the same" even though we have not seen each other in 17 years.

Thursday, the day I arrived, was Juliann's 60th birthday. We went out to a lovely Italian restaurant for dinner...great food, wine, coffee...so good! And we talked, and we talked, and we talked. It was as if time had stood still for us. We just picked right up where we'd left off.

That, to me, is the sign of a true friendship! We shared our lives and our hopes and our sorrows and our disappointments and our dreams. Can you say "BEAUTIFUL"?? It was.

Happy New Year, dear Juliann! Thank you for letting me help you enter into a beautiful new life. You have so much going on - you really care about people and you're smart and funny and nice. Maybe you should run for President! But I hope you don't. Life will be good to you. Be patient. Keep smiling...and perhaps, along the way, teach me how to do the same. XOXOXOXOXO

Winding Down The Season...

This afternoon I took a drive out to my favorite farm stand. Even though they are in the midst of harvesting, it still felt like things were missing. Things like the best radishes I've ever tasted, and a lack of fresh carrots. It reminded me that the summer is coming to a close. Pretty soon, the farm stand will close as well. Sigh.
But there are still many wonderful items for purchase, and I took advantage of the fresh white corn on the cob, escarole, apples, cauliflower, and green beans. The colors!! Eat your heart out.

God Bless Graham

I have lost a friend.

Graham Harling died during the night between Monday and Tuesday of this week. Graham is the beloved husband of my dear friend Tereza. They live in South Africa. I have never met them, but I love each of them dearly.

I know Tereza from CCS. She tells of her life with Graham: celebrating their anniversary; enjoying visits from children and grandchildren; shopping in the nearby village; enjoying each other's company and having lunch at local restaurants.

Tereza is a wonderful portrait artist. You should do a Google search of Tereza Harling Art and see what comes up. She is famous. I've never met her, but I love her.

I've shared my joys and sorrows with her. She's shared her frustrations and expectations with me. And then Graham got very, very ill. He never bounced back from his surgery. One day, he had three months to live. Another day, it was down to one month. And then, two days ago, he died. I am very, very sad.


But I know that Graham is sitting at the banquet table in that far off place, sitting next to all the people I love and miss! He's a vegan, so I know the table is full of fresh fruit and roasted vegetables. He is smiling, and he feels good. He misses his Tereza. She misses him, but she know he is okay. I know he's okay. Dear Lord, please let his spirit live among those who will miss him on this earth!

Happy New Year...To Me!!

Tomorrow, August 21st, is my birthday. I thought I'd share some photos with you from the past year, just for the fun of it.

This was taken this aftenoon at Cournoier's Farm in Paxton, MA. They have the most wonderful, fresh vegetables in the world! I can't wait to try and paint this.

Let's not forget the horrid winter we experienced here in New England. UGH. It was a long one!

And how can I forget the wonderful trip we took to visit friends in Austin, TX in February? What fun, and such a great place to have good friends.

I had so much fun learning to draw and paint at the Worcester Art Museum! I'll be doing more of that, for sure.

I can't forget to mention how much Jonathan has grown during the last year, can I? Isn't he handsome and wonderful?

Oh, and when I was in Texas in February I got to meet my friend Malinda from CCS! We had a great time together - she's as crazy "live" as she is online!! Love you, Malinda!!

I'm trying to decide if I should take an "intense" acrylic painting class or learn about watercolors...I've really loved playing with watercolors the last few months, but love this acrylic landscape.

We're just a few days back to reality from our camping trip to Maine. It was so awesome. I miss the ocean so much! Wonderful times with incredible people, with so many great memories.

And so there's a "picture" of my year. This year is going to be a good one, I just feel it in my bones. Stay tuned for more information.

Thanks for looking!

XO